An Oldie But Goodie

Was just sitting here going through facebook can stumbled across this beauty. Prolly one of the nights I will never forget.

One night shamps decided to challenge V to a freestyle competition, and here is what came out of his mouth word for word:

"So your 21 and I aint not
So what the f*ck is this I'm still gonna suck this in your a**
I'm gonna f*ck u till your 65
make u scream momma till your 95
make u blow your nose in that tissue
while i punch your face in like an issue
so your good a cricket but suck at baseball
Just wait until your lysol
I look at your computer you got nothing but college
I'm gonna snap u like its somalia
you like the sausage in your mouth
but just wait till i'm done youll say
hey give me some more of that"

He then precedes to break into bob segers "old time rock and roll" and dance on the bed.

Ahh sorry pampers but i just had to put it here for all my minions to enjoy. Really not much i can say just read the above and dissect for yourself. You can picture pampers just standing in front of Vikram, doing the whole hand gestures and V just sitting there laughing. There is also a video to go along with this but I dont have it, i think T does, maybe it will make it's way up there.


At work i was thinking, if you had 20 mins left to live besides going in your sleep how would you like to die, I was thinking jumping off a building so you can get that whole flying feeling before it's over, then Joe at work, who btw is a minister basically, said heart attack during sex, which i can not believe i didnt think of, because i immediately switched my answer. What about the rest of you, how would you want to go besides in your sleep.

Not the longest of posts but i think the freestyle makes up for it.

1 year + Mt. Rushmore of Boston Bums.

I said before i wouldnt do too much self promotion, but one more time, a year ago today, i walked my fat ass into the gym and signed up, 12 months later and 158 lbs later im a new person.

I left out the individual bums of my last post but i think this is a good time to do this.

Here is my Mt. Rushmore of Boston Bums.

The siren bike guy, I'm a little hesitant to call his guy a bum, but anyway lets pretend, this guy is a staple in the city, unlike most bums who you can smell a mile away this guy you can hear a mile away. And he really gets around from cambridge to allston to downtowm boston he is everywhere. He is in phenomonal shape and the fact that he can ride his bike with leg braces, all the power to him.

The One Arm Push-Up Guy. I dont think anyone who lived in the city in the early 00's has not ran into him, He was able to talk just about all of us into paying him for doing 1 arm pushups. He at least earned his money unlike most of the lazy bums.

The "Got any Sparrrrrrrrrrre Channnnnnnnnnge Guy" This guy has been featured on Fox News before and has a name but i'm blanking, but he is the guy who is mostly around downtown crossing who has the real horse voice and speaks as slow as humingly possible. He actually got into the baseball tavern once while i was working and i got yelled at for letting him in. I was laying in the commons with the kelsters and he came up to someone next to us and asked if she had weed, i didnt realize he was able to say anything other than got any spare change.

The final entry for the Boston Mt. Rushmore, is the guy with the super long gray dreds who is always hunched over and walks .00001 mph. I havent seen this guy for awhile but i did see him recently and he had a fresh haircut, which should detract from his standing, but he has such a body of work that he deserves to stay up there .

Some notable mentions - the guy who is in the boston commmons, who i refer to as the news anchor bum. he sits there and yells out stuff that happened or the weather forcast, the other day he was yelling about tiger not winning the us open. he sits in the same place everyday next to the little league fields, they must be afraid of him.

Frank- those of you who take the bus to south station will know who he is, he has a sign that says "hi, im frank" and he is there rain or shine, he was there this mornign with an umbrella.

Spare Change Newspaper Guy- This guy stands all day trying to see the spare change newspaper, and he says it so funny hard to express in text but he really stresses the PAPer part of "spare change newsPAPer" I walked by him once and said it like he does while he was "off-duty" and he shot back "that's right" it was a proud moment.

This has gotten me to think about more Mt. Rushmores i can do. gotta be a couple that is shampy related. If you can think of ideas please post comments and ill do them, but in the meantime thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Breaking Down Boston's Bums

My of my favorite subjects is the bums of this city, people look at them as a whole group, but in reality there are subcultures of these people in the city and i'm going to identify these people for you so you know what to look for and know what to expect. I'm a guy of the people

(P.S. This is a rare early PS, but i'm listening to an old bill simmons podcast right now going over week 2 of the nfl season, and they are talking about Bernard Pollard, so if this post gets vulgar then that is why)

1. The over-the-top nice Bum- This is the one that compliments you as you walk by, especially if you have a nice looking young lady on your arm, and with the kellsters it happens very often :). (hey dont h8 on my for getting brownie points you would if you could too). They always compliment who you are with, or they open the door for you as you walk into store 24, and you come out and they know you just bought something for under 2 dollars and didn't use your atm card cuz of the lousy minimum, and you should have coins on you and you gotta pull the line "sorry dont have any change" and as you walk by you can clearly hear the change in you pocket. I dislike this group, granted they are trying to do something for you, like opening the door, but don't expect some change because you call me sir, or opened the door. This is the guy (granted i dont get this anymore really) who says "hey big man" I HATE this with a passion and have told many a bum that if they see a larger man, DO NOT call them big man, it's not cute.

The Holy Bum- This is the one that isn't really asking for change, but just shouting jesus or other religious related material. "Jesus is Coming" is said by one in the middle of downtown crossing, who has the vocal chords from the heavens, because he can shout as loud as he can for hours. Some of them do try and pull the jesus card for change, "jesus blesses you" that is not going to convince me to give you. Oh wait jesus wants me to give you change? you should have told me here is my atm card and my pin, notice i didnt say pin number, which is like saying atm machine, but that is for another day.

The Liar- This is the type that comes up to you with a "broke down" or "just need a couple bucks to get on the bus" I have seen the same guy who is 2 bucks shy of getting to Lowell for 2 years. I feel bad for this guy who cant seem to round up 200 pennies to get to Lowell, he could have walked there and saved 23 months of begging.

The Sob Story- This is very similar to The Liar- this is the person who comes up and tells you their mother is in the hospital or they have a dog to feed. I would call them liars but they really do need their own subculture. They will get enough for their dogs bone marrow transplant by riding up and dowm the B line.

The Greedy Bastard - This is my least favorite bum, this is the one that comes up to you and says "can you spare a dollar or two" hey come on, dont ask for a dollar! I can see asking for change but a dollar really? Here let me give you my hard earned dollar just because you asked. they should realize how greedy this is. you are in no position to be asking for way more than you should be getting.

The Ungreatful Bastard- This is the one that gives you the evil eye for not donating or donating not enough. Sometimes this ballsy bastard will say something like "come on" One time while i had a few drinks in me, this guy tried to pull this card on me, and i went off and my co-workers had to make me walk away. Not to be elitist but you are begging me for change and if i dont give you any, dont make any smart ass comments.

The Comedian- I give this guy props for having a funny side, but for real, the "why lie i need a beer" is way overplayed. time to come up with some fresh material, adn i dont like the whole "will ____ for food" or variations of that. If i see some true initative out there i'll be willing to shed a crisp george washington.

The Lazy Bum- This guy is the one that doenst even bother asking just holds a cup or hat, they are one step away from giving up. This is where the full beards start to come into play, or the shaws bag full of their goodies. they havent showered in months and is saving nickles up to by nips of vodka.

The Grifter- this is the guy who is begging but wearing nicer clothes than me. How can you have fresh nikes and sunglasses, chains, watches and nice laundered clothing and be asking me for change. Granted these guys are very funny and talkative but come on, who do you think you are fooling.

The End of the Road Guy- This is the guy who gave up completely, and doenst even hold out a cup or anything, that just either sleeps on benches or wanders around.

I think that is a good recap of boston bums, i didn't get into specific people but i think there might be enough for a different blog post, we'll see. Thanks bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven.

PPS - I FUCKING HATE BERNARD POLLARD.

More Uniforms

I had this whole thing written out about my favorite nba jerseys but it somehow got deleted, had a couple good jokes about the lakers and child rapists and people that look like an ostrich. and for the bobcats had some adam morrison jokes, but i dont feel like doing it over again so ill just put the picks up, it should be obvious to tell what i thin is goo and bad, but if you can the bobcats and wizzards are on the bad list.

































NCAA Best



UNC - Declan will love this pick. Very classy uni's









Duke White - Declan will hate this pick, seems weird that i have both but i really like the white jerseys although hate most of the duke players that wore this, especially the flopper paulas who made matter worse by not going to michigan.







Oklahoma- Griffin made me realize how sweet their white jerseys are






NCAA Worst -






The only bad one i can think of is marquette. i'm sure there are some i'm missing but what can you do.




NCAA Football Best -







Texas - shamps' default team because of his pea head, but they do have a good uniform.






There are way too many to chose from so ill just pick one each

Worst

Oregon, i like that the players can choose the uniforms but they can do better.


Shaw posted this video on Twitter i'd advise you watch it, it starts kind of slow but picks up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCtZOlGLL5s

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts, yeah shocking huh? I missed yesterday so i figured i would do a double dip today, ill do one now and one later, probably the part 2 of my jersey rundowm.

This one was sparked by my thoughts of random awkward moments, there are few moments that get more awkward then while standing at the urinal, and you all of a sudden get the urge to sneeze. You gotta try and hold off, and that it self is painful or risk the splash factor and just let it rip. Nothing worse then getting pee drops all over your slacks. But if you try and old it you do that whole huff and puff thing to try and avoid it but all that movement you might end up spilling it anyway. And how come when you have to sneeze while peeing you all of a sudden have longest pee of your life. I could drink all night and not break the seal and that pee wouldn't be as long as a mid-day pee where i have to sneeze, just the fear of peeing on your pants makes the brain empty every ounce in your body. And if someone is next to you in the adjacent urinal then forget about it.

Or while on the treadmill or something and someone is behind you doing their exercise and you gotta toot, you have no where to go and hide but you gotta let it rip, and the few moments following where you hope its not going to be bad, but as always they are the absolute worst and you look around to see how many people are around. Why are gym and shower farts the worst smelling ones ever. I feel bad for the 50 year old woman who is quietly working out and has to be bombarded, SORRY.

I don't know why all my rants/thoughts are bathroom related.

I hate the person at work who is always listening to your conversations and always throws their opinion into the conversation that they were not even involved. Some of them are so good, that they can even do it while on the phone or talking to someone else and as soon as they hangup or the other person leaves they throw their opinion 5 mins too late. I want to dust an oldie off and pull the whole AB conversation so C your way out of it.

I think that is is for now, ill do another one later tonight

Trip Dowm Memory Land (pt. 2)

Ok, last time i left off at west village C, that is where i'll resume, That apartment is probably my favorite college dwelling of my career, not only did we have a fischer price hoop, we got to meet cookie. That hoop lead to many spirited dunk contests, while heavily drunk. I'll always remember the time arphie walked into john and I's bedroom, let's just say she was in an elevated state of mind, eating a certain fungus that can be found in the grass, and she was looking at the christina agularia poster and was bugging out, and had to immediately leave the room. Good Times.

In that apartment there were some quality phrases were used, the infamous "can i lick you while you Q*&#$" and of course that was a result of wankers losing a bet, and "can i lintroll your boobs" is a nother solid one. I remember having the worst case of hiccups and laying on that couch and i kept falling off, i think i had the hiccups for a solid 2 hours. It was pretty painful, good thing i was pretty intoxicated and didn't really feel it that much. Downstairs was a good place too where T, V, and Dec lived, in that place is where we learned the deadly game suicide suits, and from there the Kamikaze suits was spawned off.

In that place we had the pleasure of watching the 2004 ALCS, I think we all know what happened but ill recap with this one phrase in the fear that wendy will never read this again, down 0-3. Interesting dynamic during those games, cookie and his buddies were yankees fans, wendy was over and the rest of us being sox fans, and those games not ending until 3:45 am every night, i think that week had the lowest attendance for any week of northeastern history. We had the pleasure of listening to joe buck and his butt buddy timmy for 6 hours a night.

From there we moved to Back Bay Manor, where they put the 5 of us on a 14th floor balcony, needless to say a recipe for disaster. needless to say we threw so much off that balcony it was insane, yeah i like the phrase needless to say, doesnt make me a bad person. We threw every thing from apples and limes, so bottles and eggs. That is where Huffy opened the door and yelled out "HELLO WORLD" which was mocked for the rest of the year. We also had a trash shout, which is prolly the last thing we should have had, we put everything down there that we were not supposed to , i put an entire bed frame down there in pieces. That place had probably the best college party i have been to, there were plenty of breastses exposed, girls kissing, beds breaking, ice luges etc. pretty solid night from what i remember, minus the fact that it was my bed that got broke, and it wasnt for the right reason. No wonder we were not allowed to renew our lease.

From there we went to 1500 Trems. for our last year, that place was not that great, we did have the best ever photo taken there, with mr. dsl himself Cityman. That place was probably the birth of our crazy streaking phases. There were prolly more bets made in that apartment than any other place outside of nevada. We had our online poker phase start there too. And shamps always had cocaine on his desk, so that shows you what kind of year we had. Probably the best part of that place was being next to Wan's deli, who we pranked call probably once a week just because he answered yelling WAN. He also caught 2 of us streaking. Too bad he took 3.5 hours to make a sub.

There might be enough for a part three, we'll see in the mean time, thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Uni's

I'll be back with the part 2 of the stroll dowm memory lane soon enough, but i gotta rack my brain for awhile to think of all the debocherous times. But in the mean time I would like to throw my opinion around for best and worst uniforms, I'm not going to go too far into the past, because face it the old ones are pretty darn aweful, the only good ones from the past are still around. so lets see how this goes.

Top MLB Uniforms


1. Dodgers Home White, I think this is the classiest and best looking uniform in all of baseball. Although manny has stained it recently i think it's still the best one out there.





2. St. Louis Cardinals Home White, I love this logo, and the uniform is not overly flashy.







3. Rays home white, This one is actually surprising to me, but i really like this uniform, their uniforms used to be gawd aweful, but these new ones are pretty darn delicious.




Worst MLB Uniforms. Some of these are older.


1. Old SchoolTampa Bay Devil Rays - These just look so tacky that its not even funny. I always think of gerald williams attacking pedro when i think of these uniforms.





2. Old School Pittsburgh Pirates- Trying really hard to not to use the mustard bottle jokes.






3. Old School White Sox- I really hate these for some reason.

NFL Best Uniforms -




1. Green Bay Home Greens- Love the helmets, and with football you gotta take in account the helmet when you decide these. I apologize for the Favre photo, and i know we all know we cant get enough of favre.






2. NY Jets, this kills me but i really do like these uniforms. They made one of the best moves uniform wise, the solid green jets uniforms look as appealing as ... ummm....cant think of something clever, so insert something ugly here.

Only going to have two, don't want to add one just because.

NFL Worst Uniforms




1. Seattle Seahawks - This franchise had good helmets in the past but ugly colors, and these new ones are dreadful






2. Cleveland Browns - ZZZZZZ..... got so bored just looking at these, I like plain classy ones but not shit brown colors. Plus this poster of one of the biggest busts Tim Couch was funny.






3. Buffalo Bills Road Uni's - they used to have one of the best uni's, but this new one just plain ruined it with the shoulder section. plus it would be too easy to go with the old school tampa bay bucs.

It's 1230 am and i'm tired, if you guys like this ill do basketball and college sports and maybe even hockey if i'm feeling spicy, but i wont call them sweaters cuz that is gay.

Stroll Dowm Memory Lane (part 1)

I think it's time to recap some of the funnier stories of our time in school. I'm sure there will be some i missed, so feel free to add your own. This whole thing got me started the other day when i was thinking about the time we were all leavig Jillians, and shamps was walking ahead of us by about 50 yards, and I'm pretty sure it was Declan, that told me to go run up and tackle him in the snow and of course back then that is all that needed to be said for me to do something as we are all aware of by the whole motorcycle knocking over for no reason. So I ran up there and did the tackle, and if i remember correctly I had pretty good form. But i did end up staining my pants, so i guess that teaches me. BTW remember we used to think Jillians was the best thing ever? I cant even remember the last time i went in there.

Speaking about the motorcycle night, from time to time when i go to the gym in the morning i see Celia, and i always think about her massive poop she left in the bathroom/beer room we had set up in the hotel room. I always smile and if i sniff hard enough i can still recall that massive corn filled poo she left for the rest of us to enjoy, I'll never remember a more sobering college party, since no one wanted to go get beer for about 20 mins, granted i used to get after the beer, and i have left a few doosies in my day but i was not going to go in there. And we all needed beer that night since we just came off ( no pun intended) that night where sergio ordered porn for the whole room, and at the time there were all dudes since the dinks were getting ready.

Remember when the soda machine broke in melvin and Dec's closet have about 345 cans of soda? I know that's not a funny story but i always think of that from time to time. I'm sure there are plenty of Melvin stories but ill move on to sophmore year at good old Davenport. We had the most random roommate ever Kokou Amefia, and his live in girlfriend who later became to be known as "the french bitch" That was a sloppy year where we had our first funnel experiences, which led to many trips to the bathroom for vomits. Frankie came over one night and stole PJ's camera, and was so mad during the beer pong game cuz we had random rules but he finally got the urge of diplomacy, and said "house rules guys". what a scum bag, anyway moving on, Kokou had the most random foods and one night mr. harger was drunk running around shirtless singing "I am a real american" hands down a top 5 moment of my college career. And while running around he had to know what Foo Foo Flour tasted like becasue "inquiring minds want to know" so down the hatch went about a pound and a half of flour. That was the year of the imfamous 52 yard field goal that went wide right. There was a cake that the imfamous Liz Phillips left over and pampy was getting mad becasue i was intentionally fouling him in NBA live, he got so mad he got up and kicked the cake as hard as he could. Good Times. Which leads me to the most shitty roommate ever, Chirag. I knew this kid was a loser when on move in day we were in the living room, and he randomlly goes to me and john, "yo dogs, i got a whip outside" and that night said to us, "yo wanna go get drinks" and this was a sunday night, and all the stores at this time were closed and we told him we were under 21, and in his infinite wisdom said "don't worry about it" needless to say we didnt get any drinks, but we found out his imfamous move, while riding in his passat( which he sold for 4,233,434.32 but that's a different story). Whenever he would see a girl he would put his seat back, roll down the windows and blast the music, 9 times out of 10 would be Tupac, and the other time would be the bow wow song where he counts down from 10 to 1. Anyway this kid has so many stories that he should deserve his own blog, but he stole pj's underwear, just to show you what kind of kid he was, and he also banged Heather who was Liz's WT friend, who instead of moaning prolly screamed during sex "whatta mean"

This leads me to west village, where if i'm not mistake pamps did his first streak. Brian Gregory was my favorite roommate, and his halloween pants. This kid was so nice that he asked everytime he wanted to shower. Back in my snacking days i found out where he his his bag of bite sized butterfingers and let's say it got a little messy. Although he did get to see little tommy in all his glory, it was 5 am and i had to pee, so i figured no one would be up on a wednesday so i walked to the bathroom in my undies, and its the morning and all guys know what happenes in the morning, and anyway hes sitting on the couch next to our door reading a book, eye level with little tommy who was awake well before me, if you catch my drift.

I think i should stop here, looking forward to any input as i know there are plenty i missed. Stay tuned for the last few years of school. and it got more and more sloppy.

Confused Matsui

I know what you are thinking, this title is an oxymoron. Just like calling someone a Night Owl, do we really need to put night and owl together, i can not think of anything more associated with nighttime. The only owl i can think of that is out in daytime is Mr. Owl from winnie the pooh, maybe he was a pedophyle owl. He was probably looking at piglet or Christopher Robbins in ways we do not want to think about.

Ill have to call my self out on this one but one pet peeve i have is when you ask simple questions and you get the real smart ass answer back. If you go up to someone and say "can i ask you a question" and they say "yes, that was easy do you have another one" or something along those lines. Or if you are at someones house and you ask "can i use the bathroom" and they say " i don't know can you" I do it from time to time and there is the rare case where you get laughs, but in general it's not funny and it is downright annoying. If you catch people in a bad mood and pull that thrid grade stunt on them watchout, becasue it could get ugly. I'm sure there are other example of this type of thing but i am drawing a blank at this point for any other examples.

One lesser thing is when people are walking in groups of two or three, and i understand you can not walk in a single file line but when you are all across from each other and you take up the entire sidewalk, you gotta be aware that there are people that tend to walk a little faster than average and can not get around you, and worst is when someone is coming the other way and the person on the end drops back, and they get back in line in a millisecond, the whole time they move slowly but as soon as they have to drop back they are as fast as lightning and get right back in line. The only way to get around them is to pull this move, you go in the street or around the mailbox to get around them which is dangerous especially with all teh foreign cabbies in Boston. Even if i don't have to get anywhere i want to get around them, and usually it's on the walk back to work, and god knows i don't want to come back here but i hate being behind people even if i am in no hurry to go anywhere.

I'm listening to older BS Reports with Bill Simmons and they are talking about spygate, it's been so long that i've heard about it but it still makes my blood boil. Well that's it for now, Thanks Bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven.

People I want to Smack

There are a bunch of people I want to slap, and before i get into this, I know it just sounds like I'm spouting off, all these posts are very whiny, but I don't want to do a blog about my daily life, because it's so boring so i may as well do things like this.

I could go the easy route and just say people like Joe Buck or the Yankees, but that is probably boring. So I'm going to try and pick out the lesser know people that really deserve it. For example Shamps and Trot, but that is self explanatory. Anyway moving on, I would love to slap the guy on the T who rides during rush hour when it is shoulder to shoulder with a huge backpack on, and I mean huge, the accordion type with the 500 books, no one can get around you, why don't you be a sport and put the bag between your feet and be considerate for once. I carry a bag, granted its not full of book, just sweaty gym clothes, but i still put it on the ground before my feet, its just being nice. And don't give the stare down if someone bumps into your bag, what do you expect your bag takes up the entire aisle. Granted i can move around more easily now due to my shrinkage, i still love to bump into this person causing them to do the semi circle spin.

I want to talk about awkward moments, for example I hate this, when you are going somewhere and you open the door and you always do the look back to see if someone is coming, and when you see someone coming but they are kind of far away, you have to make that split second decision to wait or not, and i always feel bad when i don't wait but sometimes they are too far away. Although there are times when i look and they see me look and they start to speed up, then i will always wait, I'm what T drivers should be if the person is showing hustle then you almost have to wait. But there are times where you decide they are too far away and they think they are not, and they notice the door closing and you look at the person in the eye, that is really awkward.

Another awkward moment is when you are on the T when it is kind of busy, meaning all seats are taken and a few people standing, and someone gets off at their stop, and the seat is now open and you and someone else are standing, and you are basically equidistant to the seat and you wait for a second, because you feel kind of bad taking it, but he who hesitates usually gets screwed. But sometimes when that happens you look them in the eye to see if they want it then you both do this move, where you stare at the seat and usually someone makes a move, it's like a herd of wildebeest that have to cross the croc infested river, and eventually one makes a break for it, and they usually live, so i guess it pays to be bold.

I still want to do the best/worst uni blog, I also want to do a real world/road rules all star cast, but i don't know if enough of my loyal readers follow it. and before you can say it Terrence, i know MTV is preppy. Please let me know what your thoughts are and I'll do it.

Thanks Bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven.

Man Crush on Jack-O

Hello, gotta keep this short and sweet, I was riding home on the T yesterday with Arph and we were discussing our biggest pet peeve, and I know i've talked about this with some of you before but ladies this is directed at you. How come at stores and stuff you get in line, get all your things rung up, and then when told what the total is you have the surprised look on your face that you actually have to pay for these items. Once you realize you have to pay, then you open your large suitcase size purse, get the little bag out, open that up get the wallet out, open that up and then 3 compartments deep find your credit card. And my favorite move is you try and hand it to the person when the self swiper is clearly there. the same goes for keys, i've noticed a few of you, i won't name any names but you leave the car, put the keys away in the purse, then get to the door and remember that magic alone wont open the door. So you gotta dig your keys out, some times while dancing because you have to pee really bad, GO ahead an pee on yourself, it will do you the world of good, you will totally learn your lesson. I know its not 100% girls that do this, but its about 95% IMHO.

First of all terrence, if you ran a 5k you would prolly have a suit on, or that really preppy country market fresh shirt from 13 years ago. Great point declan I did hear one time somewhere that the people called it iceland so that a million tourists woudln't go there, but i wouldnt be surprised if that was not correct. Another one that drives me nuts is why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway, and for that matter why are there tolls on a freeway. Riddle me that. Hmm Kansas City being in Missouri, has never pissed me off but has confused me from time to time, it doenst really make sense, and the fact that it is such a big city makes it even more confusing, you dont see them naming a place in texas "oklahoma city".

Trace i totally agree with you, same goes for asians being called yellow, and native americans being red, they are not even close to red at all. That's why everyone got all upset for team names like the redskins, the redmen and so on. But i guess it would be weird to call someone peachy trash, instead of white trash, or saying someone has light olive fever instead of yellow fever.

I'm thinking of doing a best/worst sports jersey top 10, if you have ideas for that or other blogs feel free to throw ideas around.

In the meantime, thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Tooting

Hello, gotta do a little self tooting because i haven't really. but did my first 5k yesterday, well the first time i ran outside ever really. Did better than i thought i would came in under 29 mins. Lephan did well tieu, haha that's a little inside joke since her name is tieu, said "two" so instead of too i put in tieu, little things like this amuse me greatly, and if you dont like it BACK OFF, or go read shamps' blog at least my gets updated. Speaking of Lephan she had the thats what she said of the day. they gave us breakfast after and she loaded up a bagel with some cream cheese, and said "this is going to feel so good going down my throat" That one is pretty much self explanatory. In the picture John, notice i dont have my goofy smile that you accuse me of evertime im running, especially with a basketball and you cant stop but laugh at it evertime, i'm personally shocked i dont have my tounge out though.

In my infinite quest for knowledge i came across this little fact, Despite its name, Equatorial Guinea doesn’t lie on the Equator, but just north of it. Im sure you are all baffled by this as i was, still trying to get over it. This led me to think of other things that their names don't make any sense, there are lame ones like, the red or yellow sea, obvi they are not going to be that color, or the white rhino is not white. There are other ones that really irk me a little bit, shocking huh, I was trying to think of a bunch but i kind of drew a blank, does anyone know of things that are named a certain way but doenst make any sense?

One other thing i really hate is when you go to a register and they ask you to open up a store card, I can see if they are required to and ask you once and if you say no they shut up. But i really hate the ones that ask you a million times. And every time they ask their tone gets more and more defensive, like you are personally attacking their character for not listening to their enticing sales pitch. They come up with very lame offers, "get a point for every dollar you spend, get 1000 points and get a 10 dollar gift card" OH BOY sign me up so i can spend 1000 and get a free pair of fucking tube socks!!!! Hey Mr/Ms. GED why don't you really say what the thing is, "hey sign up for this high interest credit card with a monthly fee and a minimum monthly purchase plan on it that will rape you in the end to save 5% on your first purchase" At least be honest about it.

I actually got a little fired up about that. Because every time i'm in a store they ask and i start off with a polite "no thanks", then they ask again so i say "nah i'm good" then they keep it up and i say "no" and some of them have the Gaul to keep going and i just want to yell "no thanks i dont want your TJMAX" card to get imperfect clothing made by a 4 year old in Indonesia, that missed a stitch and probably got beat for it, im in here to find good cheap deals, not proud of it, just let me go on my way with my little polo shirt with the small stain on it that i won't realize is there till i get home and will be too lazy to come back, or wont come back because i don't want you to snap your gum in my face while your ringing up my boxer briefs, and i know you look at the sizes and make instant judgements. So NO THANKS!!!

Thanks Bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven.

Old Hat

I would make an obiglatory broom joke but, did the sweep really surprise you? Thanks for the yanks bull pen for being a bigger collection of crap then the little kid jumped into in Slumdog. I don't want to go too much into the yanks, ill be nice.

One last thing, do you yankees fans miss torre? or should i say do you miss a manager that would sleep during the game, maybe the new joe should fall asleep in the game, maybe then his decisions won't kill you.

One quick rant, there is this 50 year old dude here who has the same routine in the bathroom, he always uses the middle urinal because it has an automatic flusher, then he washes his hands, pulls out a comb out of his back pocket and proceeds to comb his combover and spend 2 mins doing his hair, there is no reason this should bug me but it really does. He has no reason to spruce up his hair he looks like the typical pricipal of an elementary shcool, who you see looking at the little boys a bit too long and you wonder if you should leave your kids alone with him. And if you're wondering why i always see him, i have a very weak bladder couple that with drinking water and coffee all day i'm always in there. As soon as i leave the bathroom i feel like i need to go again.


We are having a baby contest at work where you submit a baby photo and you try and guess who is who. I submitted one and everyone thinks im a girl, does this really look like a girl to you??? Please tell me if you do. Some people were able to pick me right away i dont see it. Its funny its not really fair either, for example there is one person with a huge baby afro, and they are the only person on the list that is not white, how obvious is that.

Still trying to complie a decent list of random NU characters, this is not limited to any one dorm or anything so please add your favorites, and ill make a nice little trip down memory lane, steroid guy for example, or that angry little person who is always smoking a cig. well thats it for now,

Thanks Bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Cont....

As soon as I hit publish i knew i missed a few good ones especially Mohamed "Moo" Abdur. MR Gray button dowm black slacks big leather jacket, and the back pack with the strap himself. If you look in his closet his must have 50 gray shirts and 3 black pants and that's it. I have never seen him wear anything else. And I'll always remember his perfect attendance award he got from the melvin hall president or something like that and V had it on his wall for the whole year. He was so awkward especially around people he thought were cool he would always say "what up dog" or something like that, and the other person would basically go "who are you" very awkwardly funny.

Michael Turco- I left him off because he was more of a regular and not really a random. But i guess i can go on about him for a while. I remember the first time he ever came to my room, Dan said " wow that kid ate the entire bag of popcorn, i really wanted some". I think Turco had more nicknames than Shamps does. Turco Belly being my favorite.

Adie- the southern bell that john turned lesbo?? speaking of that melissa foley, who i was good friends with but that got ruined Thanks John!!!!! all because i told him that she didnt like him, what are we in 3rd grade! good riddins to her and her little butch girlfriend rebecca. who looked more like a dude than JA.

Josh the RA, i remember signing in to Kerr, and he goes "Hey cool man we have the same last name" and i instantly knew this kid was a toolbag, little did i know he would try and get every single girl in his little dorm room, what a perve, come to think of it we hung out with a lot of perves freshman year.

I totally forgot about neils, not much to say about him actually. Who was that kid that was 22 and refused to buy any beer for anyone?

I know there are still people im forgetting. But i think we got a good deal of them. What other non melvin NU kids were memorable?

Lame Dash O

An A Bomb from A-R... oh wait that's right it never happened. Thank God they went with Chingy tonight. Thanks Joe. I was just thinking about some of the characters back in school especially freshman year. I'm looking to make this blog interactive so PLEASE leave your comments as to where you think these people are or what you think they are doing.


1. Bain Camacho - Probably the most notorious member of Melvin Hall, known for his lack of classes, his very addicting computer games, which lead to his lack of classes, and his ability to get high. Also known for the best ping pong shot ever called the screwdriver. Also when his girlfriend/boyfriend came into the picture, it was hard to tell really which he/she was, little bainy changed. He went from smoking weed to drinking tussin for that fix. God knows what he is up to know, im guessing he is probably snorting a crushed up Oxycontin. He did have some great parties, that lead to some infamous hook-ups, not going to call anyone out but you know who you are. That is where i met pampers, and immediately got his life story and found out he was from long island and pawned him off to my roommate, the parties happened because of his older brother James, remember him, this guy was all too available to hang out with 18 year olds and buy us beer, after this whole to catch a predator phenomeum we should have wondered more.

2. Gregory Kong - speaking of Bain, his roommate Greg and his 27 computer monitors, his only claim to fame was to introduce the world to allen kong, who graduated UMass in 1930. Greg was good for going to with computer questions and keeping an eye on bain.

3. Eric "king" Viazminski - i know i spelled that wrong Bear as he came to be known was one of a kind, just ask terrence who had to live with the kid and prolly had stray back hairs all over his clothes. Bear introduced me to family guy thats about all i can say good for him. He did have some good away messages "O hear O Israel" and in "the reading room" meaning he was taking a poo. "in a circular room without walls" was also a solid one, his little butt buddy wanted to fight me for some reason, but that never materialized. I think he name was Chris Rice. I wish he did try it i would have beaten him like shamps gets beaten by the 5 year old kid with a polo shirt today on the basketball court. who was putting on a clinic.

4. Violet- AKA the Goth Chick- remember her, she was so scary and that one night she had someone over and punched a hole in the melvin hall door. What is with Goth people, they all try to buck the norms of society and dress weird, but they all end up looking the same, so they never wanted to conform but yet all look alike, yeah good job freaks we got the message.

5. TV Man- i think his name was Pete, he was always in the basement and lived with Carney, he was so tall and goofy looking, thats all i have to say about him,

6. Karlynn - I know i didnt spell that right, but all i remember is her little roommate NU NU and the fact she was friends with the camera stealing slut annie, and the fact her boobs were covered with hair.

7. Jill - The hockey player stalker slob, who was in love with Mr "Dribble off my knee Lucas" You couldnt see Mimet1013's floor.

8. Ondre- Remember him, friends with adam fass, don't really know much about him but his name is funny Ondre.

9. JA- the musical neighbor of John and V, who used to lock his door every time he brushed his teeth, the poor victim of the ding dong ditch at least 3 times a night and especially when we were drunk and stumbling down the stairs laughing he would catch us, always remember girls coming to his room asking for outfit advice.

That is all i can think of really for now, please feel free to contribute to this melvin hall memory list and your favorite stories about these random people.

Coming up Marino Center Regulars!!! Leave your Favorites

Thanks Bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Neighbor

Ok for this one you might want to buckle up, it could get a bit bumpy, I am going to discuss the most annoying neighbor I have ever had, I gotta set this up for the people who don't know, or have not been to my house. Off the top, i am completely obsessed with this guy and some of you have heard me talking about him but bear with me, it always happens that i see them coming and going from their house. The house next to us has a young couple about my age, and the guy drives a Subaru WRX which the 2009 retails for 24,599. They have one, not sure what year it is, but its blue with piss yellow painted rims that look like Trots latest vomit and went to home depot with it and told the guy to match up the color with paint, and the whole custom exhaust on the back of it to make it sound really powerful and cool i guess. Probably making up for something, im guessing the penal region, At first glance you would think this guy would be going through a mid life crisis, but hes around my age.

This guy treats this car like it is a 100k plus sports car, firstly he NEVER lets the girlfriend drive it, granted i can not blame him here, as the old saying goes female drivers no survivors, anyway her job is to take a plank of wood out of the trunk and place it on the front of the driveway so he can get in, he does not need this his car isn't that low and the driveway has the slightest bump, anyway shes not allowed in the car when he enters or exits the driveway. She always has to get out and direct him. So when they come home he stops she gets out and does her routine and if they are coming from a certain direction he will turn around because he is only comfortable entering the driveway from one direction, and this takes him about 15 mins to do.

When they finally get in the driveway, they have their own spot along the fence which he has to park, he set up cones in front of the other car that is always there and the tree to make sure he doenst hit anything. and once he finally gets out he has to visually inspect the car from top to bottom, if he sees a speck, hes like the 350 pound woman at Denny's who licks her thumb to clean off their kids face. So once he does that, i think he must have fantasy of doing sexual things to the car that's how much he loves it. they fold in both mirrors i can see the one side in case someone needs to get in the driveway but he folds the other one against the fence where no one can get to it. I saw him out there waxing the thing with a toothbrush. They finally put the car cover on it because they park under a tree. But sometimes they do forget and i accidentally spit on the thing when i walk by OOPS! i can not wait for the time I'm so drunk that I'll pee on it. It drives me up the wall how much time and effort is taken to get in and out of the driveway for such a shitty car, you can tell he pulls up to a stop light and revs his little engine but refuses to go fast to protect his little baby, granted i drive a shitty Saturn and wouldn't mind having that car but for gods sake its not a frigging Rolls Royce, hell its not even a charcoal Altima, which is so much better than the Subaru. It's got one of those absurd spoilers too. I bet he watches the thing from the window at night and if he does he will be in for a shock when either i pee on it or shamps runs by streaking. I wouldn't be surprised if it is the home screen of his computer, cell phone and has a tattoo of it on his back. I'm sure the GF is second fiddle to this car. I wonder if he treats his other belongings like this. It really drive me nuts to watch him treat such a piece of shit like a great car, does he go out and buy a nirvana CD from 98 and wipe it with a cleaning cloth every night? or does he have a Mo Vaughn red sox jersey that he wears on the weekends that he irons everyday?? I wish this kid would get a life and realize its a FUCKING Subaru!!

Thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Mobile Updates

I would love to update this on the go as requested by declan, but it'll be hard in the tunnels of the T system, That is where a lot of them tend to happen, for one would be the typical valley girl that spends the entire T ride on the phone, but at least that gets cut out when we go under the tunnel, but who the hell is she talking to at 730 am adn what the hell are people that peppy. Another one i hate is when there is a problem on the T and we are running late and as soon as one DB calls their boss to tell them they are going to be late it starts off a chain reaction of everyone calling their bosses, its funny to hear each persons depection of what happend on the T. Me i never call because i work at US Bank where the motto shoud be "we dont care and it shows" like kruger industrial smoothing. I can stroll in whenever i want to which is nice.

I also hate the punk rocker guy on the T with the million tats and tends to smell like he just woke up and forgot where he put his toothbrush, and is too cool to wear deodorant. Usually got their headphones blaring so loud that i can hear what is playing, i would be able to tell what song it is, but i cant understand when people yell for the entire songs, but my favorite T rider is the old c-babe couple that has the mandatory bag of groceries, either they always carry them around or there must be a secret grocery store at every T stop because they ALWAYS have them, and they always smell like rotten eggs.

Time for the best that's what she said of the day, while in the cape, my mom feeds the local chipmunks with peanuts that are still in the shell, and they usually like to carry more than one at a time so they store one in their cheeks and carry the other one in their lips, so they always lick them so they fit, and my cousin asked what they were doing, and someone said "you gotta lick the nuts first so you can fit them easily in your mouth" That one is going to be hard to top.

Its late and i gotta get to bed but thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Keep it up

Hello, there people. I may as well keep this blog going, have had some positive responses. Nothing new going on with me, besides getting schooled on the basketball court by little pampers. The person who can manage to play 6 straight games of basketball and be dryer than a nun's "happy place". 

My pet peeve of the day if people who send professional emails and don't know the difference between simple words like there/they're/their and words like that. I don't see how you can be so dumb, most of these people that do them are so high up that they have nothing to do all damn day long so they cant take the 35 seconds to proof read. Are you that important really? 

Time for the best that's what she said, i was driving the gf home and came to an intersection that used to have a No Turn on Red, and it doesn't have one anymore, so i pointed that out, and turned on red. She goes "if its not up you can't get in trouble" Boy is that right, if some of these guys that have 6 kids with 5 moms, if it wasn't up they wouldn't get in trouble and have their taco bell used to pay child support to all the babies mamas. 

Random Fact of the day, Moscow weathermen can be fined for inaccurate weather forecasting. Boy i wish this was correct here, especially in bostonwhere they get it wrong about as many times as the shamwow commercial is broadcasted, don't let me get started on the shamwow. 

If you guys don't mind become a follower of this blog it'll be worth it i promise, and i know i sound like the drunk girl at the party but it will be i promise. 

Thanks Bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven. 

New Features

Whats going down people, I decided to add a couple features to this little blog experiment, one would be the best he/she said of the day and then ill throw in a random obscure fact for your reading pleasure, cuz i'm all about the people!

My boss is leaving early so its one of those while the cats away the mice shall play situations so figure may as well do one from work. To speak on terrences comment, Francona is a master of the nicknames, even when a player gets traded that day and they interview him he has a nick name for him it does get annoying. Can we turn this into a real business world environment, i dare you to go to someone on your floor and call them chucky or smitty see how well that goes. What is almost as bad as the cameras is the person who is walking and gets a text or is sending one out and has to stop to do it, i always walk into people who cant read and walk at the same time, is it that hard really? I would love to lower a shoulder into these people and so they drop their 2001 sony ericson that takes 30 mins to type a text message. Or the people who actually walk in text but their head is down and they look like they are drunk and swerve all over the place. That i hate more, they walk so slow and are not looking and bump into people, sometimes i wish they would just walk into traffic and get hit by a T driver who is also texting, IRONIC????

Time for the best that's what she said, i was in the locker room and two guys were talking and they were discussing the steam room. apparently one of them have never been in there and was worried about it, I'm not making this up. His buddy goes "once you warm up and finally get in it feels great" I almost blurted out that's what she said, but i don't like to talk in the locker room so i let it slide.

Random Fact of the day: studies show that females during menstruation have less feelings in the nerves of their middle fingers.... So ladies when you flip us off during cramps we feel it more than you do.

Thanks Bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.

Intro

Hello, Let's see how this goes, this could be one of the things that I do for a long time or get bored with. I'm shooting for a long time. Let the magic begin...

I am shamps... oh wait that was another infamous blog that started with so much promise, but faded away like the 04 title hopes of the Yankees. Anyway, everyone who I'm sending this to already knows me so I'll skip the intro crap and start fresh today. Typical boring ass day at US Bank, after going to the gym i got to work  and like peter in office space, i just sat there for 30 mins and did nothing. Then got an email offering jeans days for $2 which is normal, so ill do like every warm blooded American, ill buy 2 and use 6. They are offering a shorts day for $10, a shorts and flip flops day for $14 and a shorts flip flops and Hawaiian shirt day for $18 bucks how lame is that. US Bank is so hard up for money that they are trying to shake us down. Speaking of flip flops, i don't know about other places but girls can get away with murder for the dress code, they can wear them anyway and not get in trouble, god forbid a guy wants to air out this dogs and they'll basically call the national guard, anyway i digress. Btw this blog will have a million digressions so keep up

I got out of work, saw Libby driving by me on the big hill and she kept on driving, so thanks Libs!, just kidding i don't mind walking. I got home and had the spray bottle out and was waiting for trot to come into the kitchen and i heard him coming so i got ready and was going to spray him and shamps was right behind him, so i couldn't resist, and sprayed pampers full board in the face, sorry man but it was the highlight of my night. I went down to the basketball court and really wanted to swing on the swing set let's face it who doesn't want to swing, but there were three little c-babe girls playing and i had to wait them out because i didn't want to be labeled a pedophile. Their mother finally came, probably from collecting bottles in the trash, and took them away and i was able to revert back to my childhood and swing for a little while, for those of you who haven't done that in a while i recommend you do it ASAP. 

From there i went to the gym to play a real game, saw my buddy Cyclops, for those who don't know its this tall goofy white guy who has Stuart Scott eyes, and you don't know if he's looking at you or doing a no look pass, needless to say there were more turnovers than c-babes with cameras in Boston Commons taking pictures of NOTHING. Omg you have seen many flower bushes in your life no need to take a million pictures of every one you see!!! God i hate them and they always want to stop on the bridge and hold up walking traffic to get in more pictures. If I'm in a bad mood i walk right through staring at the typical 5 foot 4 c-babe with glasses and white hair and see if he complains, so far none, but I'll be ready if there is one. Any who i plan on using this as a way to vent about things that grind my gears, stealing from Peter Griffin. Feel free to comment, actually please comment, and feel free to air your pet peeves also. 

My one today I'll complain about is bathroom code, you guys never use the buffer zone, and if there are three urinals and your not at a sporting event, don't use the middle one, its common courtesy, also today i was in the stall, don't worry this is not a poop story, i was in there reading Simmons and i knew for a fact it was empty, and this douche goes in the one next to me, and lets it all rip, if he didn't lose 5 lbs i would be shocked. 

My NBA pick is Magic, don't really care, wouldn't mind Kobe not getting another ring, and I want to see King Rogers AKA howard get one. Well that's it for a first post, if you people like this ill keep it up. I'm not really proof reading so i apologize for bad grammar. Let me know what you think, and don't worry i wont hit you up for clicking on links to get a dime. Sorry Pampers these won't all be attacks on you, well....

Thanks Bloggers it's been a thin slice of heaven.