Neighbor

Ok for this one you might want to buckle up, it could get a bit bumpy, I am going to discuss the most annoying neighbor I have ever had, I gotta set this up for the people who don't know, or have not been to my house. Off the top, i am completely obsessed with this guy and some of you have heard me talking about him but bear with me, it always happens that i see them coming and going from their house. The house next to us has a young couple about my age, and the guy drives a Subaru WRX which the 2009 retails for 24,599. They have one, not sure what year it is, but its blue with piss yellow painted rims that look like Trots latest vomit and went to home depot with it and told the guy to match up the color with paint, and the whole custom exhaust on the back of it to make it sound really powerful and cool i guess. Probably making up for something, im guessing the penal region, At first glance you would think this guy would be going through a mid life crisis, but hes around my age.

This guy treats this car like it is a 100k plus sports car, firstly he NEVER lets the girlfriend drive it, granted i can not blame him here, as the old saying goes female drivers no survivors, anyway her job is to take a plank of wood out of the trunk and place it on the front of the driveway so he can get in, he does not need this his car isn't that low and the driveway has the slightest bump, anyway shes not allowed in the car when he enters or exits the driveway. She always has to get out and direct him. So when they come home he stops she gets out and does her routine and if they are coming from a certain direction he will turn around because he is only comfortable entering the driveway from one direction, and this takes him about 15 mins to do.

When they finally get in the driveway, they have their own spot along the fence which he has to park, he set up cones in front of the other car that is always there and the tree to make sure he doenst hit anything. and once he finally gets out he has to visually inspect the car from top to bottom, if he sees a speck, hes like the 350 pound woman at Denny's who licks her thumb to clean off their kids face. So once he does that, i think he must have fantasy of doing sexual things to the car that's how much he loves it. they fold in both mirrors i can see the one side in case someone needs to get in the driveway but he folds the other one against the fence where no one can get to it. I saw him out there waxing the thing with a toothbrush. They finally put the car cover on it because they park under a tree. But sometimes they do forget and i accidentally spit on the thing when i walk by OOPS! i can not wait for the time I'm so drunk that I'll pee on it. It drives me up the wall how much time and effort is taken to get in and out of the driveway for such a shitty car, you can tell he pulls up to a stop light and revs his little engine but refuses to go fast to protect his little baby, granted i drive a shitty Saturn and wouldn't mind having that car but for gods sake its not a frigging Rolls Royce, hell its not even a charcoal Altima, which is so much better than the Subaru. It's got one of those absurd spoilers too. I bet he watches the thing from the window at night and if he does he will be in for a shock when either i pee on it or shamps runs by streaking. I wouldn't be surprised if it is the home screen of his computer, cell phone and has a tattoo of it on his back. I'm sure the GF is second fiddle to this car. I wonder if he treats his other belongings like this. It really drive me nuts to watch him treat such a piece of shit like a great car, does he go out and buy a nirvana CD from 98 and wipe it with a cleaning cloth every night? or does he have a Mo Vaughn red sox jersey that he wears on the weekends that he irons everyday?? I wish this kid would get a life and realize its a FUCKING Subaru!!

Thanks bloggers its been a thin slice of heaven.